……… different fantasy races should be impacted differently by each other’s alcohol

no more if this “fine elvin wine” shit, I am going to personally write a fantasy setting in which every human knows that elf booze tastes and feels like fantasy la croix. there’s barely even a flavor, and you’d need to drink a few to even get tipsy.

meanwhile, every human with a lick of common sense knows that you need to plan accordingly if you’re going to be drinking dwarven liquor, because it hits you hard and fast and you’ll lose feeling in your legs faster than you thought was physically possible. the hangovers are the stuff of legend.

the flip side is that elves are an entire race of (comparative) lightweights, and a whole gaggle of teenange elves can get piss drunk passing around one bottle of fruity human wine

I think there’s some compatability among drinks brewed by reptilian races (dragonborn, lizardfolk, tortles, kobolds, etc) although you run into similar translation issues as mammalians, but there is absolutely no crossover. like if a drsgonborn and a dwarf in a (very cosmopolitan) tavern were to switch drinks it would be a nonstarter.

“this is basically just a capri sun,” the dragonborn says, disappointed.

“cool, I’m pretty sure I just drank actual paint thinner,” the dwarf says. “get me to a hospital.”

humans and halflings are probably the most compatible drinkers of any two races, although halflings find most human wines, beers, ciders, etc, a little too dry and bland for their liking. halfling alternatives are very sweet, which makes them a huge hit among the ‘I like alcohol but I don’t want it to taste like alcohol’ crowd

I think it would be very funny if being drunk was like… a relatively new cultural development for gnomes? there’s just something about their wacky gnomish constitution that prevented them coming by it naturally (traditionally they’re more into a variety of mushrooms and other recreational plants) but once they started mingling more with more alcohol-happy races they learned VERY quickly and started opening, basically, turbo-breweries that are basically one part distillery and one part wizard tower. VERY popular job for young alchemists trying to make some good money, and the reason why gnomes are known (among other things) for operating the craziest night clubs

here’s who I think should be able to get drunk but become sober at will:

1.) sufficiently powerful paladins and clerics

2.) aasimar [all of them]

2.) very very few tieflings. it’s not universal at all, but few tiefling traits are. I know 5e has really solidified them as horns + tails + inhuman skin color but we need to be making them weirder 

I wish grown adults would realize that having beef with a child is embarrassing and makes them look like a complete weirdo. The multiple forums dedicated to stepmoms bashing their stepdaughters out of jealousy for their relationships with their husband, calling them shit like “mini wife” and it’s like, you are the complete freak here, not your stepdaughter, not your husband. The teachers talking candidly about how much they hate a certain third grader in their class because they learn a little slower, dude you fucking evil for taking your frustrations out on an 8 year old who is already struggling. Keep your festering grudge towards a kid off the fucking Internet you freaks.

if you tell your kids you love them they WILL use pronouns

not to be joyless but I’m honestly reeling from how mask-off this comment is

“if i show my kid unconditional love they might do shit like be trans, better emotionally abuse them instead”

good tags only

Honestly it’s like the parents who don’t vaccinate because they’d rather have a dead kid than one with autism.

there is a demon in your house named CARBON MONOXIDE. he enchants your mind with confusion and your body with exhaustion. you need to call a powerful exorcist named HVAC TECHNICIAN

do i hav e to

do i HAVE to draw feet

what a beautiful view from up here

Just a PSA that tumblr monitors our messages for explicit content.

I cannot see anywhere in the guidelines that states messages, only posts. Is that even allowed?

This email is a reply from my appeal, but even the termination email doesn’t state it.

signal boosting

this obviously sucks and is worth being upset about, but also reminder to treat any unencrypted online communication as being subject to monitoring by both corporations and the state.

Reblogging for this last post here. I'll repeat with slight modification,

Treat every platform/service as an unencrypted and monitored form of online communication.

It's really come down to - unless it's open source and proven to be end-to-end encryption, you'd need to build the platform yourself.

love doing something I call ‘the big leaf test’ where I put my hand on a leaf and if the leaf is bigger than my hand I go damn that’s crazy

humans don’t have enough ornamentation. where’s the plumage, the antlers

i could go for a good vibrant throat sac i could display as i sing in the mating season

Humans have some of the most extreme hair variation over their bodies in the animal kingdom, with hair on some parts of our body a few millimetres long and fine enough to be almost invisible, and hair in other parts a good metre long if not artificially trimmed. Part of the inside of our mouths are turned out to make our lips bright red, we have comically oversized breasts and lack penis bones to make erections more indicative of impressive circulation, and have some of the most complex behavioural adaptations to self-ornamentation for courtship seen in anything that doesn’t spend half its life collecting blue bottle caps. How much ornamentation do you want?

I’d like antlers, as previously stated

I want bioluminescence

Sonar

Flared webbing would be nice

everyone check out my new ya fantasy novel called a court of blood, bone, ash, roses, thorns, fire, ice, stone, ravens, enemies to lovers, fake dating, two number 9s, a number 5 large, and an extra large fries

Hey if a guy's leitmotif starts building up again but this time it's got like a church choir chanting in Latin it's because he's decided to cool it and be friends right

Living alone leads to habits that you don’t realize are weird until you stay with someone else and have to suppress them.

I’m staying with family right now and I can’t just go “AUGH” like a peanuts character in the middle of the night just because I feel like it. I also can’t lick cooking utensils anymore because other people are gonna be eating that. And I can’t rant to my Swedish horse because I left that at home and also ranting to an inanimate object in the middle of the house would make me look insane.

I was talking to my aunt about this because she also lives alone and we agree that when you start living alone you need to start making more noises when you do things like grunting when you get up and yelling at annoying inanimate objects because you need to fill the space somehow. But when suddenly other people are around you’re now in the habit of whistling whenever you open a cabinet and people who have never lived alone don’t understand what you’re doing.

If you ever stay with somebody who lives alone for a few days and they start randomly doing squats in the middle of the kitchen and clicking their teeth or making noises at birds outside, just let them. Believe it or not those are methods of preserving sanity. Shaking the fridge and demanding it give you answers is a shield against the impeding darkness.